DDD FACTOR

Have you ever heard of the DDD Factor? Devern Fromke shares this concept in his book, Stories that Open God’s Larger Window. He explains the development of his thought through preparation to officiate at the wedding service of his niece, Lynn, and her husband, Brett. For the wedding he asked the Lord for some special word for the couple. He writes:

I came to this verse: “Mercy and truth are met together…” (Ps. 85:10). Brett personified mercy, and to all her friends Lynn represented truth. All were convinced their lives would complement one another.

In all his compassion and caring, Brett (mercy) was vulnerable alone. He needed Lynn to come along side with truth to balance and make them complete. To know Lynn is to recognize one who is very convinced when a biblical principle is right; it must be carefully adhered to even if it has consequences you might not like. Yet sometimes Lynn might “seem” cold, or even harsh in her insistence that “truth is right.” So, we concluded God could accomplish in their family a divine balance.

Then, as I read further, I realized how the next line reinforced the same: “righteousness and peace have kissed each other.” I felt it was evident God was bringing Lynn (righteousness) to balance out Brett (peace). Now peace at any price is never right. But being right without any sensitivity for others will not produce harmony. So righteousness and peace need to “kiss each other.”

As I read those words I reflected on my own marriage. My wife and I have the opportunity to complement, and even complete each other, through differences. Fromke continues to explain how “different by design” is present in many situations:

Though I have recognized that this factor did exist for many years, I have only recently used this title to explain –

…Why in marriage opposites attract.
…Why in theology both sovereignty and responsibility exist.
…Why every church has Marthas (do-ers) and Marys (be-ers).
…Why in elders meetings you have inclusives and exclusives.
…Why in prayer meeting you have the silent (listeners to God) and the

vocal (talkers to God).
…Why in every family you have the cautious and the decisive.
…Why in every family you have both the receivers and givers.
…Why in every church fellowship you have passive (quietists who wait)

and you have active (pietists who move).
…Why in every country you have both settlers and pioneers.

It becomes evident in every area of life that we have people who act differently. Did this just happen, or should we recognize this as a Deliberately Designed Difference (or limitation)? The more I see this factor, which seems to be built into the fabric of things, I conclude it is God’s way of bringing balance ---His way of showing our need for one another, but also our great need for Him.

Fromke concludes:

Mercy and truth are like two wings of a bird. Peace and righteousness also need to complete one another. Yet too often these very virtues become competing issues, when God has designed them to be completing issues. Competing or completing – which will it be? How can mercy and truth complete one another, and accomplish God’s intention?

I’ll try to explain it this way: if truth is a thesis, and mercy is an antithesis - and only as both die, can they come into synthesis (or resurrection), then a new agreement or divine harmony is possible. God’s order and arrangement reveals wisdom.

If we try to keep this universe principles-centered we will remain frustrated, for every principle has its counter-balancing principle. God Himself must choose: will it be mercy or truth? Will it be peace or righteousness? Or will it be both? Because we are forever dependent upon a word (rhema) from the Lord, it is imperative that we recognize

this universe is Person-centered,
but by His design it is principles-governed,
and will be purpose fulfilling.

Hmmmm ... I think Fromke has some points to ponder. I suggest you read this post several times.

CHALLENGING TIMES

A little over two years ago I celebrated one of the most special and unique experiences of my life. My bride Cissy and I were on our honeymoon!

Both of us had been single again for a number of years. We anticipated with great joy the adventure of life together. We spent leisure time at the beach and relished our new marriage relationship.

Shortly before we were to return home, Cissy had a strange sensation when she looked ahead. She saw two of everything. Wow, I thought maybe I had given her too much delight!

But the double vision persisted through the following day. Stepping across the street was unsettling, and going down a flight of stairs was dangerous. As we drove home, Cissy called her primary care physician and made an appointment for the following day.

Subsequent appointments over the following months with an ophthalmologist, then a neurologist, and next extensive testing with a neuro-opthamologist, finally led to the diagnosis of some type of brain tumor.

All indications were that it was a common benign tumor that only needed to be observed. But over time several CAT scans and MRIs showed some growth of the tumor and we were referred to a neurosurgeon in Atlanta.

The neurosurgeon described the location of the tumor in some “very high real estate” around the brain in a critical and difficult location. He referred us to a neurosurgeon in Houston at M.D. Anderson Cancer Center, arguably the finest cancer hospital in the world. This doctor thought initially that the tumor was probably not a common tumor, but hopefully still a benign one.

However, over the last year and a half we have made seven trips to Houston that included two surgeries and radiation. Biopsy showed the tumor was a rare malignant type that occurs in only about one out of one thousand brain tumors. However, Cissy’s prognosis is excellent, and though there is still some discomfort, her double vision and headaches ceased.

The photos below show a little bit of Cissy’s journey to health in Houston. Some of the pics might be a little squeamish to see but they give a glimpse of the trauma she endured.

I am so proud of her toughness and perseverance and positive attitude. Both of us appreciate so much the love and support and prayers of so many people.

Recent photos were taken three weeks ago when we could enjoy a stroll in the park near the hospital after Cissy got a good report for one year post surgery.

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Since our marriage both of us have faced some steep challenges. Not only did I gain a new bride and move to a new city and new home, I also took a new pastorate. After a year of conflict and disappointment, I ended my relationship with that church. Also both of my parents died.

Yet Cissy and I believe the events of the last two plus years have been a means for us to draw closer to God and to each other.

God is good and gracious … all the time! And we give thanks in all things.

GOOD TIMES

My wife Cissy and I have some good times. I mean really good times. Yes, there are everyday delights and serendipity moments. But the really special and good times seem to be planned and anticipated vacations during the less than four years we have known each other.

One of the first trips we made was a week in Oregon while we visited her brother and his family. We traveled down the coast, then over to Crater Lake and up to Mount Hood. I was constantly awed by the awesome sights, gracious hospitality everywhere, and delicious food.

We spent a week on the North Carolina coast with my brother and sister and their families. At the end of the week my sister gave Cissy a gift that certified her as approved and accepted to become a member of our family.

A mission trip to Nicaragua was an incredible and joyful experience. A highlight was watching Cissy teach childrens’ Bible school without knowing a word of Spanish. She did marvelously well adjusting on her first mission trip to all the demands to be flexible.

The biggest surprise for Cissy in Nicaragua was when we spent a day at the beach. Sitting on a rock at sunset I asked her to marry me. While the rest of the mission team watched from a distance, they finally got the word that Cissy said YES!

On our wedding weekend in the North Georgia mountains, Cissy and I rented a large home on the lake where we hosted all of our children, grandchildren, and my brother and sister and their spouses. Can you imagine spending your wedding night with all your family? They reciprocated by serenading us below our window.

There have been multiple other beach trips to destinations like Hilton Head, Amelia Island, and Costa Rica. One week on the Florida Gulf coast involved our children with spouses and all their children. We are going to repeat that trip next month.

Last year a week in the Swiss Alps was a delightful adventure. We learned how to ride a bobsled and luge … and survive. Next year we anticipate taking a cruise and land adventure to Alaska. ,

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I read in the Bible great heroes of the faith had adventures and experiences far greater than mine. The writer of Hebrews sums up their lives:

“All these died in faith, without receiving the promises, but having seen them and having welcomed them from a distance, and having confessed that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For those who say such things make it clear that they are seeking a country of their own. And indeed if they had been thinking of that country from which they went out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God; for He has prepared a city for them.”

I have so many other places on this earth I want to visit. But I am heaven bound, and realize I am a pilgrim passing through this world on my way to my eternal home.

Make sure you have your ticket so you can get on board and go with me!

MOONLIGHT OR MAYHEM?

Last Saturday evening I was one of the ministers at a wedding service. My Charge and Wedding Prayer that evening were words that I myself needed to hear. (See post titled “Wedding Service” on May 13)

There is an old saying, “If you point a finger at someone you have three fingers on your hand pointing back to yourself.” On this occasion I had also three witnesses, the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, convicting me that I was the one who needed to hear and heed those challenging and beautiful words about marriage.

Later my wife was another witness who testified I need to practice what I preach.

I come up short as a husband often, but last week I felt so low about my job performance in marriage I could hang my knees off the edge of a Kleenex. The last couple of days my wife and I have had some serious discussions about some things we need to do to enhance our relationship.

One simple decision we made is to make sure we spend some quality focused time together at least once a day. I regret to have to confess I have done poorly in prioritizing those special moments in the past. Furthermore, I have not been a good communicator or listener.

The wedding reception last Saturday was held outside under a gigantic tent. The bride’s father kidding asked me if I wanted him to leave up the tent to hold a revival service the next night.

Little did I realize then that I was the one who most needed a revival. God give me the grace to love my wife as Christ loved the church, and gave Himself for her.

The full moon last Saturday night reminded me of a message on marriage I heard many years ago, “Marriage: Moonlight or Mayhem?”

I want to bask in the silvery beams of love sent from heaven above through Christ and expressed to me in the person of my wife.

WEDDING SERVICE

Tonight I will assist in a wedding service by giving the Charge and the Wedding Prayer.

HERE IS THE CHARGE ...

Trey and Laura, I require and charge you both, as you stand in the presence of God, before whom the secrets of all hearts are disclosed, that, having duly considered the holy covenant you are about to make, you do now declare before this company your pledge of faith, each to the other.

We have heard beautiful music describing the perfect love of God. Remember that love and loyalty alone will avail as the foundation of a happy home.

The Bible gives us many descriptions of what true love is like. In the Old Testament we read these words from Ecclesiastes:

“Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.”

Trey and Laura, one is a whole number. Both of you know what it is like to live as a single person and be completely alone at times. Yet you realized that you have enough resources of personality to be complete … and alone.

In providence you have been brought together – two people to become one team.

The verses in Ecclesiastes that I just read show the benefits:

… working together productively,

… sleeping together peacefully,

… and meeting challenges powerfully.

Note the progression of the numbers:

one person … two people … three strands of cord.

I suggest to you that the three strands represents the lives of two people woven together with the presence, power, and peace of God. He is the all-important third Person in your relationship.

Be well assured that if the solemn vows you are about to make are kept faithfully, and if steadfastly you endeavor to do the will of your heavenly Father, God will bless your marriage, will grant you fulfillment in it, and the home you are establishing will abide in peace.

No other ties are more tender, no other vows more sacred than those you now assume.

HERE IS THE WEDDING PRAYER ...

Most gracious God, we give you thanks for your tender love in making us a covenant people through our Savior Jesus Christ and for consecrating in His name the marriage covenant of Trey and Laura.

Grant that their love for each other, as the perfect bond of unity, grow from strength to strength as they faithfully serve you in the world. Let the peace of Christ rule in their hearts, to which indeed they are called in one body. And whatever they do in word or deed, may they do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.

As those who have been chosen of God to be his holy and beloved children, may Trey and Laura put on hearts of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, remembering whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.

Give them strong, healthy bodies, with clear minds and compassionate hearts. May the light of friendship guide their paths together. May the laughter of children grace the halls of their home. May the joy of living for one another trip a smile from their lips, a twinkle from their eyes.

Defend them from every enemy. Lead them into all peace. Let their love for each other be a seal upon their hearts, a mantle about their shoulders, and a crown upon their heads.

Bless them in their work and in their companionship; in their sleeping and in their waking; in their joys and in their sorrows; in their lives and in their deaths.

When eternity beckons, by your grace bring them and all of us to that table where your saints feast forever in your heavenly home;

Through Jesus Christ our Lord, who with you and the Holy Spirit lives and reigns, one God, forever and ever. Amen.

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